Phobias

There are two different kinds of phobias, specific phobia and social phobia (also known as social anxiety disorder).

A specific phobia is an intense fear of something identifiable, like an object, animal, situation, or place. This fear is much different and more intense than normal worrying, and when people have a specific phobia, they usually recognize that their fear is excessive.

For example, many people are afraid of animals such as snakes and do their best to avoid them in everyday life.

However, a person with a specific phobia of snakes becomes extremely anxious when other people talk about snakes or when looking at pictures of snakes.

This feeling of terror can quickly overwhelm the person and make him or her feel paralyzed and helpless. The person might even think that he or she is going to die, despite the fact that other people don’t react to the situation in the same terrified way.

The person might even experience a panic attack when this type of fear occurs and therefore attempt to avoid feared situations or objects, no matter how extreme that avoidance might be.

For example, a person with a phobia of elevators will choose to walk up twenty flights of stairs instead of using an elevator. Similarly, some people might drive miles out of their way to avoid going through a tunnel or continually postpone family vacations in order to avoid flying.

Let’s think for a moment of Veronica, who is deeply afraid of spiders.

When Veronica sees a spider, or something that “looks like a spider” her body goes into survival mode, with her heart racing, her stomach fills with energy and her brain screams “get away from it!”

If she finds a spider in her shower, she avoids going into the shower until someone else has removed the spider. Veronica will also often ask her partner to check for spiders in the shower to avoid an encounter.

If she finds a spider in her bedroom, she will not sleep there until the spider has been found and removed for fear of it biting her and causing her pain and harm.

Living with a Phobia: Why It Feels So Hard, and What Actually Helps

“It’s just a spider, come on.”

That’s what Jess’s roommate said when she found her frozen in the hallway, heart racing, eyes locked on a little black spider crawling on the wall. Jess wanted to move. She wanted to be logical. But in that moment, her entire body screamed: danger.

And it wasn’t the first time.

Jess had missed hiking trips, quit a summer job at a cabin, and once cried in a department store dressing room after spotting a fake spider on a display. She knew it didn’t make sense. She just didn’t know how to stop feeling this way.

If this sounds at all like you — maybe not with spiders, but something else — please know you are not alone.

What Is a Phobia, Really?

A phobia is more than just a strong dislike or discomfort. It’s an intense, overwhelming fear of a specific object, situation, or activity that most people don’t find threatening. And that fear? It doesn’t just live in your thoughts — it takes over your body. Your heart pounds. You sweat. You shake. You may feel the urge to run or even faint.

Most people with phobias know their fear is irrational. But that doesn’t make it any less real. Phobias hijack the nervous system. They trigger the same fight-or-flight response as a real, immediate threat.

How Common Are Phobias?

You’re far from alone.

In the U.S., about 9.1% of adults experience specific phobias each year (NIMH, 2023).
Around 12.5% of people will struggle with a phobia at some point in their lives.
Globally, the World Mental Health Surveys report that up to 7.4% of people worldwide experience specific phobias, with rates highest in high-income countries.

Women are almost twice as likely as men to be affected, and many people start experiencing symptoms in childhood or adolescence.

The 10 Most Common Phobias, and How They Feel

While phobias can develop around virtually anything, certain fears are more prevalent. Here are ten of the most common phobias:

1. Arachnophobia (Fear of Spiders)

“I once slept in my car because I saw a spider in my bedroom. I couldn’t breathe. It didn’t matter that it was harmless — I was out.”

2. Ophidiophobia (Fear of Snakes)

“I can’t even look at a picture of a snake in a book. If I’m hiking and someone says they saw one, I’m done — I go home.”

3. Acrophobia (Fear of Heights)

“My partner wanted to take me on a Ferris wheel. I got in, then burst into tears before we left the ground. I felt stupid, but I couldn’t help it.”

4. Aerophobia (Fear of Flying)

“I cancel trips. I’ve skipped weddings, job interviews, everything — because just thinking about being on a plane makes me panic.”

5. Cynophobia (Fear of Dogs)

“I avoid parks. I cross the street when I see a dog coming. People say, ‘But it’s friendly!’ That doesn’t help me feel safe.”

6. Trypanophobia (Fear of Needles)

“I’ve put off medical appointments for years. I’ve fainted in waiting rooms. Even talking about shots makes me nauseous.”

7. Social Phobia (Fear of Being Judged or Embarrassed)

“It’s not just shyness. It’s a constant fear that I’ll mess up, say the wrong thing, or people will think I’m weird. I avoid social events completely.”

8. Agoraphobia (Fear of Places Where Escape Feels Hard)

“I avoid grocery stores, buses, elevators. I’m scared I’ll panic and won’t be able to get out. Sometimes, I don’t leave my home at all.”

9. Astraphobia (Fear of Thunderstorms)

“I check the weather constantly. If there’s a chance of a storm, I cancel my plans and curl up in a blanket. It feels like the world is crashing down.”

10. Mysophobia (Fear of Germs or Contamination)

“I wash my hands until they bleed. I don’t touch doorknobs. I haven’t hugged my friends in years. It’s exhausting.”

“Why Can’t I Just Get Over It?”

Many people with phobias beat themselves up.

You might think:

“Other people do this stuff all the time.”
“I’m being ridiculous.”
“I just need to push through it.”

But here’s the truth: Phobias aren’t a choice. They’re learned fear responses that get stuck in your brain and body. Often, they’re rooted in real past experiences — like being bitten by a dog, getting trapped somewhere, or even witnessing something traumatic as a child.

Over time, avoiding the fear makes it grow. Why? Because when you avoid, your brain learns:

“Whew. That worked. Let’s keep avoiding.”

And so the cycle continues.

What Keeps Phobias Going? A Deeper Look

If you’ve ever tried to explain your phobia to someone who doesn’t share it, you might have heard things like:

“Just face your fear.”
“You know it’s irrational — why not just get over it?”
“It’s just a dog/bridge/plane — what’s the big deal?”

But the truth is, phobias don’t persist because people don’t know they’re irrational. They persist because the emotional and physical experience of fear feels overwhelming, and most people do what anyone would do when facing that kind of distress: they try to make it stop.

That’s where the trap begins.

The Avoidance Loop

Phobias are often maintained by a self-reinforcing loop of avoidance and temporary relief.

Let’s break it down:

You encounter (or even imagine) the thing you fear.
Anxiety surges in your body — your heart races, your stomach tightens, your thoughts spiral.
You escape or avoid the situation — cancel plans, leave the building, skip the appointment.
Relief washes over you. The anxiety stops.
Your brain remembers: “Avoiding this works! Do that again next time.”
Over time, your fear becomes stronger and more automatic — because you’ve never had a chance to learn anything new about the feared object.

This loop is part of what makes phobias feel so immovable.

The Role of Safety Behaviors

Even when people don’t completely avoid their feared situations, they often use safety behaviors — subtle strategies to protect themselves from imagined danger. These might include:

Clutching tightly to the armrests during a flight (aerophobia)
Constantly checking the exits in a tall building (acrophobia)
Asking a partner to accompany them to the park (cynophobia)
Rehearsing what they’ll say over and over before a meeting (social phobia)

These behaviors may reduce anxiety in the moment, but they also prevent the brain from learning that the feared situation is safe or tolerable. Over time, these coping strategies become essential crutches, reinforcing the phobia’s hold.

Real-Life Narratives: What It Feels Like to Live With a Phobia

Case 1: Lena’s Fear of Flying (Aerophobia)

Lena, a 36-year-old marketing executive, hasn’t flown in 12 years. Her job has required her to travel — but she’s passed up promotions and growth opportunities just to avoid airports.

“It’s not the plane crashing that scares me — it’s the idea that I’ll panic and be trapped. I worry I’ll scream, pass out, or embarrass myself. Even booking a flight sends my heart racing. I used to love travel, but now I can’t even look at a globe without feeling trapped.”

She avoids flights, avoids talking about travel, and even avoids TV shows that show planes. Each avoidance makes the fear feel more necessary.

Case 2: Aaron’s Fear of Dogs (Cynophobia)

Aaron, 28, was bitten by a neighbor’s dog as a child. Since then, he crosses the street if he sees someone walking a dog and avoids visiting friends who own pets.

“I know not every dog is dangerous. I know my fear is extreme. But my body reacts like I’m about to die when I hear barking. I tense up, sweat, and I feel completely out of control. I hate how this fear rules me, but I don’t know how to undo it.”

Aaron’s avoidance helps him feel safer in the short term — but it also means he’s never had a chance to relearn that many dogs are safe, and that he’s capable of handling anxiety.

Understanding and Overcoming Phobias: A Compassionate Guide

Phobias are more than just fleeting fears; they are profound, often debilitating anxieties that can significantly impact daily life. If you’re grappling with a phobia, know that you’re not alone.

The Struggle of Living with Phobias

Living with a phobia can be an isolating and exhausting experience. The persistent fear and anxiety can lead to:

Avoidance Behaviors: Steering clear of situations or places where the feared object or scenario might be encountered.
Physical Symptoms: Experiencing rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, dizziness, or sweating when confronted with the phobia trigger.
Emotional Distress: Feelings of embarrassment, frustration, or hopelessness about the inability to control the fear.

For instance, someone with acrophobia might miss out on memorable experiences like hiking with friends or attending events in high-rise buildings. Similarly, a person with social phobia may find it challenging to form relationships or advance in their career due to the overwhelming fear of social interactions.

What Helps? (Hint: Not Just “Facing Your Fear”)

The idea of “just push through it” rarely works. What does help?

One of the most promising and compassionate therapies for phobias is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).

What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

ACT is an evidence-based therapy that helps you:

Accept what’s out of your control (like fear)
Choose actions aligned with your values
Take steps even when it feels hard

ACT doesn’t try to get rid of fear. It helps you build a life where fear isn’t the boss of you.

What the Research Says About ACT for Phobias

Research shows that ACT can be especially helpful for people with phobias — because it targets both the behavioral avoidance and the internal struggle that keeps phobias alive.

Key Studies:

Bluett et al. (2014) reviewed 38 studies on ACT for anxiety disorders (including phobias) and found medium-to-large effect sizes in reducing symptoms and improving functioning.
Eifert & Forsyth (2005) found that ACT helped people reduce avoidance and tolerate fear, especially for anxiety and panic-related phobias.
Levin et al. (2017) explored ACT delivered via apps and brief sessions. Even self-guided ACT exercises showed reductions in fear and avoidance behaviors.
Twohig et al. (2010) conducted a study comparing ACT and traditional exposure therapy. Both worked, but ACT participants were more likely to follow through with exposure and reported greater improvements in quality of life.

Resources

Bluett, E. J., Homan, K. J., Morrison, K. L., Levin, M. E., & Twohig, M. P. (2014). Acceptance and commitment therapy for anxiety and OCD spectrum disorders: An empirical review. Journal of anxiety disorders, 28(6), 612-624. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.janxdis.2014.06.008

Eifert, G. H., & Forsyth, J. P. (2005). Acceptance & Commitment Therapy for anxiety disorders: A practitioner’s treatment guide to using mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based behavior change strategies. New Harbinger Publications.

Levin, M. E., Pierce, B., & Schoendorff, B. (2017). The acceptance and commitment therapy matrix mobile app: A pilot randomized trial on health behaviors. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 6(3), 268-275. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jcbs.2017.05.003

National Institute of Mental Health. (2023). Specific Phobia. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/specific-phobia

Twohig, M. P., Hayes, S. C., Plumb, J. C., Pruitt, L. D., Collins, A. B., Hazlett-Stevens, H., & Woidneck, M. R. (2010). A randomized clinical trial of acceptance and commitment therapy versus progressive relaxation training for obsessive-compulsive disorder. Journal of consulting and clinical psychology, 78(5), 705. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0020508

Wardenaar, K. J., Lim, C. C., Al-Hamzawi, A. O., Alonso, J., Andrade, L. H., Benjet, C. D., … & De Jonge, P. (2017). The cross-national epidemiology of specific phobia in the World Mental Health Surveys. Psychological medicine, 47(10), 1744-1760. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291717000174